Trick-or-Treat, Tripping Over My Feet

Happy day after Halloween, everyone! My least favorite holiday of the year is officially over! Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t sit on my couch saying “Boo-Humbug” to Halloween festivities (see what I did there?!). There truly are aspects of Halloween I enjoy. I love a good pumpkin patch, carving pumpkins, handing out (eating) candy and I love dressing up! In particular, I love a good, creative, handcrafted costume! In fact, I crafted a majority of ours this Halloween. We had an a-moooo-zing time dressing up as Chick-Fil-A and got so many laughs out of our costumes. I do love that about Halloween!

With that being said, the part of Halloween I don’t like is the association with all things dark and spooky. Have you all ever heard the popular Halloween quote “When black cats prowl, and pumpkins gleam, May luck be yours on Halloween”? Y’all, for those of us with Retinitis Pigmentosa, we need that luck! Mix night blindness with a holiday that revolves around darkness and it’s a recipe for anxiety and at least a few missteps.

When I look back on my memories of Halloween as a kid, I am grateful that I didn’t understand the magnitude of how RP affected me but there are a few vivid memories that stand out. As a kid who couldn’t see well in the dark, I always hated Halloween, but in an effort to be included with all of my friends who love spooky things, I went. Most of the time, I was miserable.

The idea of Trick-or-treating to a kid is pretty much the best thing ever, right? I remember coming home with LOADS of candy and sitting in the floor and sorting it, giving my dad all of the tootsie rolls, his personal favorite. I vividly remember him sitting with me in the floor, grabbing random pieces of candy, saying, “Oh, yep, mmhmm, this one is bad, too.” (I can’t wait to steal all of Grant’s candy using that strategy. I learned from the best!) I am so grateful to have parents who were so involved and those are the memories I choose to cherish. The memories I’m not so fond of are those memories of being four steps behind all my friends while trick-or-treating, having to watch every step I made, and hanging close to the adults. I remember falling up steps, falling down steps, tripping over curbs, and spilling all of my candy in the process... you catch my drift. What I also remember are the parents and the friends who took extra care of me without making me feel different. I know that happened because my mom and dad were behind the scenes telling their friends to look after me.

As I began to get older, Halloween wasn’t a huge deal and I actually just enjoyed handing out candy or going with my niece a nephews. I could easily just hang onto my sister without having to worry. I was then reminded of those struggles in college, when Halloween becomes a thing again. I remember my first Halloween party in college. My two best friends and I dressed in scandalous Fantana costumes; I was the red one and the amount I paid for it was not consistent with the amount of fabric that it was made from (Again, I’ve grown up a lot since then). This particular Halloween party was our first “official” Halloween party. It was a house party in a dark basement and was not overflowing with free alcohol like they show in movies. We had yet to form those illegal (and frowned upon) “will you buy us alcohol” relationships and to be candid, I was relying on the alcohol for a little liquid courage since my new friends didn’t really know the extent to which my eyes failed me in dark spaces. Honestly, I didn’t really want to tell them because I didn’t want their opinions of me to be changed. We quickly realized that the alcohol was not free, danced to a few songs, and decided to go back our dorm. We changed and went to IHOP. Those were the best pancakes I’ve ever had. As my friendships developed throughout college, I became more comfortable asking for help and learned to either stay close to the dance floor or would sit on a couch somewhere chatting with friends. I began dating Matt my junior year of college and that was the end of my awkward, uncomfortable Halloween parties. He’s been by my side, usually in a themed costume, ever since.

Last night, we had an awesome Halloween toddler party with our group of friends, we call the “Tod Squad,” and now it’s our Tod Squad Pandemic Pod. I am so incredibly grateful for these people and the ability to be myself around them. Even in the dim lighting of the party, I had no anxiety because of where I was. Don’t get me wrong, in lighting like that, I have to go slower, I have to scan more, and I always have to have my guard up, especially when 10 toddlers are running around! As I begin this journey as a new-ish mom with slowly diminishing vision, I wonder what the future of our Halloween’s will look like for us. I wonder if I will be able to take him Trick-or-Treating or how I will handle his requests for Haunted Houses, as he gets older. What I do hope is that I raise a child who is caring and accepting of everyone, including his mommy.

I hope everyone reading this had a fun holiday; however you celebrated. I know that because my sweet family and friends, the stress of Halloween was a distant one this year and again, reminded me that I am so much more than RP.

All of my love and then some,

Ali